What I Said I'd Never Do

Most of you know by now that over the course of my life I have struggled with my weight.
8th grade- 185 pounds.......a year later- 145 pounds, the smallest I have ever been.
Day after high school graduation- 250 pounds.
May 2011- 172 pounds and the healthiest I have ever been. After all, that's the time that I did my first triathlon!!! :)
Today- 188 pounds.
This, my dear friends and readers, is a hard day. I swore I would never let this happen. I would never gain the weight back. But as I pulled on a pair of jeans that used to be falling off me last year only to find that they gave me a little bit of a muffin top, I was faced with reality.
I've known it was happening slowly, I just didn't want to face the truth. But today my denial ends.
But you know what? This is part of my life. I'm not always going to be at my healthiest or smallest. Sometimes life (life jobs that keep you awake all night and you're so bored and hungry all you want to do is eat even though it's 2am, and sickness and cravings and hard times) happens and you just have to do the best you can and then hit that one moment when you realize that this destructive behavior has to stop.
I was reading this woman's blog this afternoon and she is so forward with her weight loss journey, even though she has lost and gained and lost again. That has always been the hardest thing for me. I feel like I should have learned my lesson for good the first time back in junior high and I could have been saved a TON of heartache. BUT....if I hadn't had to lose weight again in college, I might never have realized that I want to be a personal trainer and changed my major. I might never have discovered my love for triathlons, and that would be tragic. I might not have grown as much as I have over the past three years of working my butt off every day.
Now, I don't want any of you to think that before today I had given up on all of my health goals since last year. This is not true. I still worked out every day. I did an ironman in 9 days. I did some intense runs with my best friend. But there are some explanations and some things I'm still trying to figure out about my body. For example, I think that my 5-month long training for the Olympic distance triathlon threw my body out of whack and I haven't been able to get it back under control yet. It's like it knows I could push that hard and wants me to push even harder(which I don't think is a very good idea). So I stopped pushing as hard, but still worked out every day. I got back into eating out a lot, especially now that I don't have my dinner group anymore. ANYWAY, I am not going to make excuses. Life is hard sometimes. There are lonely days sometimes. There is sickness sometimes. But my fitness is something that I have complete control over. I am not disabled. I am smart and can make the right choices. I just have to actually do it. And then I will have one less thing to worry about.
But like I said, I had my day of awakening today. It's been a little slow in coming, but it has arrived. I am already in training for another half-marathon (hopefully I won't hate this one!! haha), and I have bought tons of fruit and veggies and made a hole list of goals.
For any of you out there who may be struggling with this same type of thing, start with me! I know it's hard and I know that it will take time, dedication, effort, and self-control. But it will be worth it!
I'm excited to get started, to make some changes and start losing that weight again!!!